Early last year I read an article suggesting we should shake up our lives every 10 years. I’m not a fan of “shoulds”, but the idea was attractive. So in June 2024 I stopped volunteering at Venetia Valley primary school, and in January 2025 handed over leadership of the Alzheimer’s caregiver support group. After 12 years doing both, it was time for a change. I like volunteering and put the word out that I was looking for new opportunities, with children and older people. Here’s what happened.
However, as you know from this blog thread, I enjoy reflecting on life’s twists and turns. So please wait a moment as I reflect on this change.
Uncertainty
I like uncertainty. The right amount is fascinating, not fearful. Since childhood I’ve known that whatever I did I’d land safely. I left Australia by passenger ship for Port Said, Egypt — with no next step. After six months meandering around the Middle East, and ten years in Stockholm, Toronto, and St. Louis, I landed in Berkeley. 14 years later I crossed to the promised land, Marin County.
There was no definite plan. Our lives are mostly how we react to what walks through life’s door. But how we react and why is largely a mystery, hidden deep inside us. Why do I still mull over the same question, “Who am I?” I’ve had since childhood? Or, why did I start this blog in 2019 asking, “How do I understand this time of life and how does that understanding shape who I am and what I do?”
I just do. Sometimes I envy my friends who seem perfectly content getting on with their lives without questions. (Or at least it seems that way)
But reflection suits me. It’s a piece of who I am. I like its twists and turns, how six years of thinking and writing this blog brought me surprising and unexpected peace with this final stage of life. I am truly a very happy camper, deeply contented.
I like that the reply to “who am I?” and “where am I going?” keeps changing. It reminds me of when my first grandchild was about six months old, my daughter said she was sad that every month she lost the child she knew. That remaking doesn’t stop, although it slows. At 85. I am still contemplating and enjoying the changing me.
So what happened?
Larkspur, my hometown, selected me as their representative to the Marin County Commission on Aging. This is a 22-person group advising the County Board of Supervisors on issues related to older people. The Commission chairperson welcomed my suggestion to lead a process to improve the Commission meetings and decision processes. If this happens, it will be similar to the work I did as a culture consultant to corporations. It should be fun, and if successful, it might become a model for improving other local boards and commissions.
Second, I’ve signed up to be a Court Appointed Special Advocate, CASA, volunteer. After training, I’ll be legally appointed by the courts to represent an abused foster child in their court hearing twice a year. Unlike the 8-10 children each year I helped with their reading at primary school, this is a three-year commitment to one child. I will get to know the child and the players in the child’s life: their schoolteacher, adopted family, birth family, lawyer, therapist, caseworker, and any other important people. My task is to understand the child’s situation so I can advocate in court what is best for them.
A third event walked in from left field. Instead of leaving all my small life savings to my family, I decided to do something useful with part of it now, while I’m still alive to see the results.
I had an excellent high school education in Sydney that helped set the stage for a most satisfying life. I decided to give that same leg-up to someone who could not otherwise enjoy such a rich life experience. With my school’s cooperation, I funded an Indigenous Student Scholarship Fund. It is structured to match any annual $1,000 donations from school alumni. With the kitty now in place, my job is to encourage donations.
I’ve never thought of myself as a philanthropist. That’s new for me, but not for my partner Penni. She’s an active player with several nonprofits. Her enthusiasm, vision, and values encouraged me to dip my toe in those same waters. So far it feels pretty good.
Briefly
– Leading the Alzheimer’s caregiver support group became joining the Marin County Commission on Aging.
– Volunteering at the primary school became a CASA volunteer.
– New is launching the Indigenous Student Scholarship Fund at my old high school.
Though most of my life continues as before, with family, friends, Penni, exercising, swimming, my ceramics classes, and so on, I feel somewhat in-between, leaving one place, not quite in the next, but expecting good times.
Penni helps me think through this transition. She’s a good sound board, comforting during these changing times.
Something else. I’m noting the age of people in obituaries. We cannot know if we will live longer or shorter than normal — whatever that is! I’m guessing that 10 more years would be outside of my life expectancy. Eight years feels more likely. That’s not long — and I feel it.
Penni doesn’t like to talk about the remaining years. She’d rather talk about how we make the most of the time we have together. For me it’s both. I like how we are making plans, including short trips of a few days or less, visiting friends and places around the Bay, and elsewhere. These are good years.
Happy camping.
Thank you for reading.
Barry
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