Getting closer to the end of life focuses attention on doing more of what feels good. My September 2019 blog listed what makes me happy. Lately, I’m deliberately doing more of three top items — then a new one surprised me.
Children
Being with, or just watching young children makes me deeply happy — brings a sweeping smile and those good feelings. Is that a dopamine rush? This year school mercifully resumed in the classroom. Hopefully no more Zoom. Although the children are wearing masks (and who knows what that will do to their rapidly growing brains) it’s progress. I started this school year reading with two children, half an hour each, twice a week. I just added two more little souls — doubling the fun (well not quite double but close).
Family
In mid-November, my whole family was together for three days. Day one we all hiked a local Canyon where the Creek was in full flow from the previous Sunday’s torrential rains, aka an ‘atmospheric river’. The next day we gathered for an early grilled-salmon Thanksgiving dinner. Day-three we all enjoyed strolling the sunny sand of Doran Beach at Bodega Bay. Later that evening, when I pulled into my apartment’s parking spot, a neighbor asked, “What are you smiling about?” I realized I’d been smiling for the full 50-minute drive home. We are planning another family reunion in June of next year. Yey!
Building
One of my earliest memories is fret-sawing a small mahogany wood square with a circle in the middle for a 1927 Parliament House one florin silver coin. I still have the coin, but the mounting is long gone. I easily recall the mount’s glowing deep red varnish and my proud feelings. In high school, I built a two-person kayak from tiny plans in an American Popular Mechanics magazine. Later, as an architect, I designed and remodeled houses. Recently I enjoyed helping my son buy and furnish his condominium, plan and install an air conditioning system in my daughter’s house, and help friends and family think through their home remodeling plans. Last week I built two small triangular side tables for my living room. Designing and building is deeply satisfying. Making things, including these blog posts, is very much part of who I am. Next spring Covid-suspended ceramics classes resume. That’s a three-hour once-a-week meditation on the potter’s wheel. Decorating the plates and bowls is emotional icing.
Music
Last Saturday afternoon the nearby College of Marin Symphony Orchestra gave their first public recital in 18 months — Beethoven, Brahms, and Haydn. With Covid gathering restrictions there were very few people in the auditorium. The orchestra was about five minutes into the first piece when I felt myself crying. I don’t usually do that, and thought, “What’s this all about?” The only explanation that made sense was that I hadn’t heard live music for 20 months. I’d felt similar joy when, after the vaccinations, we were able to hug our family. We may never fully return to pre-Covid — this virus may be permanent, like the cold and the flu — but that live concert reminded me how deeply I’d missed being together with others, watching and listening to something as beautiful and deeply moving as live music.
Doubts
I’m not sure that doing more of what makes us feel good is the best way to spend our remaining time. Several friends seem to have a perfectly happy life without thinking such thoughts. But that’s them. I’m a muller, a cud chewer. I also like the excitement of trying new things and have a couple of potentially significant community volunteer projects in mind. That’s a reminder that while scheduling and planning feel-good activities bring satisfaction (and security), that diving into uncertainty is perhaps more creative and exciting. That’s also good for the soul.
Maybe my overarching happiness activity is reflection. Maybe I’ll get a rocking chair and sit on the front porch (I’d have to make one).
Thank you for reading.
Me,
Barry
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